Mission to Mars
Andrew Thomas '01
Issue date: 4/6/00 Section: Diversions
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Save your money. In a word, this movie was horrible. So bad, in fact, that I am having trouble translating its plot into a meaningful review. Therefore, I've decided to take a different approach. In the spirit of the "Competitive Edge" feature authored by George Sent, I have decided to cite some online reviews I've read on Film.com.
"....If this movie had starred the Teletubbies and the Pokemon thingies it would've been more exciting than watching an emotionless cast embarrass themselves (and it might have made more sense)." -light_wizard
Mr. "light_wizard" is right on target. I was completely shocked to see Tim Robbins involved in such a horrific movie. His saving grace is he is "removed" about half-way into the plot. I think Tim saw the writing on the wall.
"...It kept us interested and it actually came through with a satisfying ending, unlike so many other sci-fi movies. It is also very clean and I would let my children aged ten and over see it. There is one part where people are destroyed by the windstorm, which could frighten some children under ten." -Maryann
I think Maryann is actually Brian De Palma incognito, trying to hype up this movie. Her (his) incongruous remarks are right in line with the erratic film's plot.
"...This was the single worst film I have ever had the misfortune to lay eyes on. I feel that I was robbed of 2 hrs of my life. I don't care if you paid me to watch this movie again, I wouldn't. I would rather...[expletives removed]. DO NOT SEE THIS FILM!!!!!!!!!! I would rather...[expletives deleted-whoa utex22, calm down!]...than watch this film. Please if you are considering watching this film just slap yourself around with a hammer for 2 hrs. Thanks for your time." -utex22
Right on, utex22! Too bad your offensive remarks damage your credibility. You should work on being a bit more positive. You are right on the mark with the hammer comment, though.
"Mission to Mars is an excellent film. The film's special effects is [sic] outstanding and carries [sic] the show. The story of the perils of adventure was gripping. The situations of looking for the unknown were breathtaking. I enjoyed ever [sic] second of this picture and I know you will to[sic]. Mission to Mars is why I love going to the movies." -Morton Stieglitz
Apparently Morty never saw Stanley Kubrick's 2001: A Space Odyssey. Get a clue, Morty. This movie was absolutely horrible. Perils of adventure... gripping? Perhaps 'ludicrous' would be a better term. The "perils" to which Morty refers are, at best, a blatant plagiarism of old sci-fi film material; at worst, they are a preposterous stretch of the imagination. "Bufador," another Film.com contributor, summarizes it best;
"...How do professionals, actors, writers, directors, the lot, get so involved in a project that they fail to see how weak it is? The writing is laughable, clumsy, meat-fisted dialog. The characters do EVERYTHING wrong at EVERY chance. The science isn't worthy of a third grader. The message is one we've seen too often before. Save your money, this will be on HBO in a month."
Get the picture?
"....If this movie had starred the Teletubbies and the Pokemon thingies it would've been more exciting than watching an emotionless cast embarrass themselves (and it might have made more sense)." -light_wizard
Mr. "light_wizard" is right on target. I was completely shocked to see Tim Robbins involved in such a horrific movie. His saving grace is he is "removed" about half-way into the plot. I think Tim saw the writing on the wall.
"...It kept us interested and it actually came through with a satisfying ending, unlike so many other sci-fi movies. It is also very clean and I would let my children aged ten and over see it. There is one part where people are destroyed by the windstorm, which could frighten some children under ten." -Maryann
I think Maryann is actually Brian De Palma incognito, trying to hype up this movie. Her (his) incongruous remarks are right in line with the erratic film's plot.
"...This was the single worst film I have ever had the misfortune to lay eyes on. I feel that I was robbed of 2 hrs of my life. I don't care if you paid me to watch this movie again, I wouldn't. I would rather...[expletives removed]. DO NOT SEE THIS FILM!!!!!!!!!! I would rather...[expletives deleted-whoa utex22, calm down!]...than watch this film. Please if you are considering watching this film just slap yourself around with a hammer for 2 hrs. Thanks for your time." -utex22
Right on, utex22! Too bad your offensive remarks damage your credibility. You should work on being a bit more positive. You are right on the mark with the hammer comment, though.
"Mission to Mars is an excellent film. The film's special effects is [sic] outstanding and carries [sic] the show. The story of the perils of adventure was gripping. The situations of looking for the unknown were breathtaking. I enjoyed ever [sic] second of this picture and I know you will to[sic]. Mission to Mars is why I love going to the movies." -Morton Stieglitz
Apparently Morty never saw Stanley Kubrick's 2001: A Space Odyssey. Get a clue, Morty. This movie was absolutely horrible. Perils of adventure... gripping? Perhaps 'ludicrous' would be a better term. The "perils" to which Morty refers are, at best, a blatant plagiarism of old sci-fi film material; at worst, they are a preposterous stretch of the imagination. "Bufador," another Film.com contributor, summarizes it best;
"...How do professionals, actors, writers, directors, the lot, get so involved in a project that they fail to see how weak it is? The writing is laughable, clumsy, meat-fisted dialog. The characters do EVERYTHING wrong at EVERY chance. The science isn't worthy of a third grader. The message is one we've seen too often before. Save your money, this will be on HBO in a month."
Get the picture?