Cornell Business

Issue date: 4/6/00 Section: Sports

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Picture Drew Carey and the cast of Whose Line is it Anyway? as you recite the following aloud, preferably while slapping your hand on your knee:

Welcome to Puck Bunnies
The gender war on ice
Dave Reich has the microphone, so you'll wince at least twice!

Assets to the left of you, Assets to the right
You guys don't know your up from down
We'll kick your butts tonight!

4 to 2, 4 to 1
These scores made Bunnies burn
All those Asset babes in padding
Score at every turn!

And what about these coaches
Who think they're free from blame
After coaching this face off, you'll never be the same!

First we saw the second years
Look how far they'll go
Jean Matthews gets bowled over by a spry TMO Joe.

Dave Bell is a kingly man,
Rob's toga -- oops, can't crouch!
There's Beevis and Butthead on what looks to be the couch.

Doug McLean guards his terrain
By lying on the ice,
He has to be escorted by a ref who's very nice.

Now how about those first years,
In a fight to save their lives,
Playing dirty old men and dressing up their wives.

Look at these two ringers
Who said they couldn't play
Give that one a goalie's stick to keep his skill at bay.

Bloom is on his backside
Alexander's out of luck
Neeman's in the corner with the P-U-C-K puck!

Pity this poor poet
Who landed with a CRACK!
"I was a teenage werewolf" and know not the power I pack!

Cheating's running rampant
As the goal's turned to the wall
Everyone out on the ice for a rousing free-for-all!

Thanks to all the rooters
(or roosters shall I say)
No drinking in Lynah, or you'll wind up at JA. Hey!

The Frozen Assets, with the help of Net Impact and the Puck Bunnies too raised $558 for the Tompkins County Task Force for Battered Women. Thanks to everyone who came out, and maybe those Bunnies will practice over the summer so they can get a little revenge next year!

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