Mission: Impossible 2: John Woo Goes On Cruise Control
John Pilson '01
Issue date: 5/3/00 Section: Diversions
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For those of you who haven't seen the trailer yet, the longer-haired Mr. Cruise is about to resurface this May in the Mission Impossible sequel directed by John Woo. This time around the normally dour and straight-laced Ethan Hunt looks to have loosened up considerably. I don't know if it was copious sex that Mr. Cruise dabbled in in Eyes Wide Shut or the time he spent partying in Australia after M:I-1 that made him grow his hair out, but it appears that he has completely departed from his staid Brayden Mathews-like persona.
A new century requires a new look, not the cheesy hairdos from Rain Man or the spurious blonde curls from Interview With The Vampire either. The new Ethan Hunt is not the blue-blooded Mitch McDeere from The Firm or Lt. Daniel Kaffee from A Few Good Men. Who really took Mr. Cruise seriously back then anyway, remember "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!" from Jack Nicholson. Well, Jack was right, Mr. Cruise couldn't have handled it back then (that he was untalented) but the new, improved, and ripped-up Mr. Cruise might be able to.
Reportedly, Mr. Cruise was so deeply affected from working with Ving Rhames (Marsellus Wallace from Pulp Fiction) in M:I-1, that he decided to get shredded up and work on his body-drink protein shakes, cut down on his fat and carbohydrates and ramp up his creatine consumption. Well, Mr. Cruise is abdominally secure now, and he can finally nullify the clause in his contract that forbids topless shots. My only question is why did they have to go and give Ving Rhames the name Luther Stickell in the first M:I? He must have threatened to go medieval on somebody's ass. Also, in the original M:I, poor Luther Stickell got ordered around by Ethan Hunt, but Marsellus Wallace wouldn't have let that happen. Let's hope that there is a role reversal in the sequel.
All told, this should be better than the first, as John Woo should put some feng shui into Mr. Cruise's posterior. The sequel also features Thandie Newton and Brendan Gleeson two of my favorite actors who will no doubt be made to look lovestruck and incompetent respectively in Mr. Cruise's shadow. Also in the credits is William Mapother as Wallis; Mapother, coincidentally is Cruise's real last name, do I sense a bit of nepotism here? MI-2 could be a big summer blockbuster but I would take bets that it is not as good as American Psycho, any investment bankers agree?
The Summer Shortlist
* M:I-2 (May 24, 2000) John Woo gives Jerry Maguire his mojo back.
* Shaft Returns (June 16, 2000) The role Samuel L. Jackson was born to play.
* Up At the Villa (May 5, 2000) James Fox doing Somerset Maugham, who could ask for more?
* And two for the fall:
* Halloween H2K: Evil Never Dies (October 20, 2000) Scarier than another winter
in Ithaca?
* Jason X: Friday the 13th Part 10 (October 13, 2000) Too bad this one doesn't come out before JOE.
A new century requires a new look, not the cheesy hairdos from Rain Man or the spurious blonde curls from Interview With The Vampire either. The new Ethan Hunt is not the blue-blooded Mitch McDeere from The Firm or Lt. Daniel Kaffee from A Few Good Men. Who really took Mr. Cruise seriously back then anyway, remember "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!" from Jack Nicholson. Well, Jack was right, Mr. Cruise couldn't have handled it back then (that he was untalented) but the new, improved, and ripped-up Mr. Cruise might be able to.
Reportedly, Mr. Cruise was so deeply affected from working with Ving Rhames (Marsellus Wallace from Pulp Fiction) in M:I-1, that he decided to get shredded up and work on his body-drink protein shakes, cut down on his fat and carbohydrates and ramp up his creatine consumption. Well, Mr. Cruise is abdominally secure now, and he can finally nullify the clause in his contract that forbids topless shots. My only question is why did they have to go and give Ving Rhames the name Luther Stickell in the first M:I? He must have threatened to go medieval on somebody's ass. Also, in the original M:I, poor Luther Stickell got ordered around by Ethan Hunt, but Marsellus Wallace wouldn't have let that happen. Let's hope that there is a role reversal in the sequel.
All told, this should be better than the first, as John Woo should put some feng shui into Mr. Cruise's posterior. The sequel also features Thandie Newton and Brendan Gleeson two of my favorite actors who will no doubt be made to look lovestruck and incompetent respectively in Mr. Cruise's shadow. Also in the credits is William Mapother as Wallis; Mapother, coincidentally is Cruise's real last name, do I sense a bit of nepotism here? MI-2 could be a big summer blockbuster but I would take bets that it is not as good as American Psycho, any investment bankers agree?
The Summer Shortlist
* M:I-2 (May 24, 2000) John Woo gives Jerry Maguire his mojo back.
* Shaft Returns (June 16, 2000) The role Samuel L. Jackson was born to play.
* Up At the Villa (May 5, 2000) James Fox doing Somerset Maugham, who could ask for more?
* And two for the fall:
* Halloween H2K: Evil Never Dies (October 20, 2000) Scarier than another winter
in Ithaca?
* Jason X: Friday the 13th Part 10 (October 13, 2000) Too bad this one doesn't come out before JOE.