Cornell Business

Issue date: 9/6/00 Section: Features

“It looked a lot easier when we were standing on the shore.”

“Sssss.” “So does that mean you’re a snake or a modem?”

Jeremy Williams shows us his impression of a kangaroo.

“It all sounded simple enough when they explained it to us.”

Two lines of over 100 people each face off across a field. They begin to converge on the center, stalking toward one another, eyes glowering. A muffled countdown is heard from one end of the field. Suddenly, the participants jump up, arms extended, faces contorted into a cruel grimace, “Aaargh!” Everyone drops down into a crouch, hands held up in mock fright, “Eeh, eeh, eeh!” Up again, arms held out, fingers waving, “Zzzhhht!” And before anyone knows what’s happening, people are running every which way, some reaching the relative safety of the trees, others caught by the opposing team, and even more standing confused in the center of the field thinking, does a wizard beat a giant? Or, wait a minute, who was I supposed to be, anyway?

So, what’s going on here? Typical behavior for twelve year-olds, maybe, but the youngest person on this field was almost twice that age, and the oldest was…well, considerably older. It’s JOE, of course, or, more specifically, the twelfth annual Johnson Outdoor Experience. Once again, nearly all the incoming first years spent a weekend on beautiful Lake Owasco, getting to know one another, meeting a few of the dedicated TMO’s and second years, and having an enjoyable, although tiring, weekend.

In the tradition of JOE, the second year leadership team and facilitators did make a few relatively minor changes from last year. It all started with the buses. This year, participants could choose their bus, rather than heading to assigned buses named after some of the seven dwarves. Thus, no one could repeat my mistake of boarding the “Sleepy” bus instead of my assigned “Dopey” bus (hence, dope turned out to be a perfect descriptor for me from the very beginning). Once arriving at Camp Owasco, minor changes continued. The first years were once again submitted to the humiliation of Call of the Wild, although this time, inanimate objects were included. Let me assure you, watching blind-folded people walking around attempting to imitate the sounds of a modem is a perfect way to start out a Saturday morning. Small groups once again were baffled by our charged Helium Tubes and found new ways to achieve Warp Speed. Sadly, for some of us, Spider Web was missing this year, although, for those who don’t particularly like to be groped by strangers, perhaps this wasn’t such a bad thing. Some fast groups found themselves with extra time and began practicing Giants, Elves, and Wizards, a new addition for this year which was described in the opening paragraph. After lunch, groups performed Acid River and TPM Transit and, somehow, Dave Bloom and I found ourselves leading fantasy armies into battle in a whole-JOE game of Giants, Elves and Wizards, an event which was unplanned, but may have been the highlight of the afternoon.

Once again, Dean Swieringa led the assembled Johnson students in a rousing (although not particularly tuneful) rendition of the alma mater. This was followed by skits performed by every team this year that were far funnier, but also far longer, than those of our class last year. Another new addition was the presentation of cake and singing of birthdays for everyone present with a birthday in August.
Sunday began with the traditional build-up to JOE Olympics. Instead of naming teams after our favorite 70’s TV shows, this year’s teams were named for our favorite bands: New Kids on the Block, Back Street Boys, N’Synch and the Spice Girls. New Olympic events were also added, including Frisbee Golf, Wiffle Ball, and Horseshoes. Once again, the physical endurance and strength of incoming first-year students was tested to the highest level. And, of course, JOE culminated in the excitement of the Olympic Relay. Again, there were some changes made: the relay started out with a student “shopping trip;” teams passed on a backpack filled with (not so) necessary student items; Poets’ Corner was added (creation of a haiku and limerick, see related story on page __); Choose Your Own Immersion came next, resulting regardless of chosen immersion in an immersion in water, in other words, a swim (hey, Steve Sauer came up with this stuff, what did you expect?); and the canoe relay was followed by Moment on Wall Street, which was really just an elaborate subterfuge to make each team relatively even heading into the Dizzybat/ball relay. So who won? Who cares, once again it was all completely arbitrary anyway, even though the final condition of the Journal wasn’t judged this year. As always, the next year will be characterized by an argument about how the second-place team got screwed in the end. I still maintain, by the way, that Charlie’s Angels legitimately won last year. The A-team’s complaints are just sour grapes….

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