Loving from a Distance
Amy Mancha Redstone '01
Issue date: 10/5/00 Section: People
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Are you looking for love at the Palms or at the Vet School happy hour? Probably not if you're one of many MBA students with significant others in another city, state, or country. Johnson students in an LDR (that's a "long-distance relationship" to the uninitiated) may spend many evenings prowling Hollywood Video, dining with friends, and racking up gargantuan phone bills. However, for most of these students, an anonymous grope on the sticky dance floor at Bibi Maizoons can't compare to seeing a loved one, even on an irregular basis.
Not all Johnson School students in an LDR felt as passionately about their relationship. Several men refused to let me use their name in this article for fear that revealing their LDR might hurt their romantic chances with female readers. In the words of one man who wished to remain anonymous, "No guy wants to say he has a long-distance girlfriend, because he wants to leave the door open. It's hard enough to get in the door as it is!" Hmm. I guess that's called hedging your bets. All kidding aside, the comment does highlight the loneliness and feelings of isolation that can accompany a LDR for both men and women. "It sucks!" was a common refrain by members of both sexes.
So, what do LDRers recommend to ease the pain of missing a significant other?
1. Think long-term. It's amazing how must faster time flies when you know the dates of every school break. Mark those days with a big "X" on a prominently displayed wall calendar (I keep mine above the kitchen sink). Fantasize about the passionate moments of first seeing the other person. Put those moments on permanent, slo-mo repeat in your head.
2. Get involved at Johnson, but manage your time well. Use some of your free time to explore a club, work on a community service project, or sit on a committee with the Administration. To prevent conflicts with a visiting S.O., second-year Jeff Peterson recommends flexing strong time management skills, "It's not any fun to work on group projects when a significant other is in town. Sage can be like a magnet…it just sucks you in and keeps you there."
3. Make real friends of the opposite sex, but keep your boundaries. Since you're not prowling for a new boyfriend or girlfriend, you can just relax and be yourself. Just make sure your significant other feels secure about this arrangement.
4. Use technology. As Jenice Tom '02 reports, "[My boyfriend and I] initially called each other nightly, but we found the cost was quickly adding up…so we started calling each other over the internet using software called Firetalk." Jeff Peterson tries to keep costs down by using a cell phone with a 1000-minute plan.
5. Keep the faith. While you would never want to repeat the two years apart, you will build an invaluable level of trust from the time apart. My new husband and I remind each other nightly that we can make it. You can too. Good luck.
Not all Johnson School students in an LDR felt as passionately about their relationship. Several men refused to let me use their name in this article for fear that revealing their LDR might hurt their romantic chances with female readers. In the words of one man who wished to remain anonymous, "No guy wants to say he has a long-distance girlfriend, because he wants to leave the door open. It's hard enough to get in the door as it is!" Hmm. I guess that's called hedging your bets. All kidding aside, the comment does highlight the loneliness and feelings of isolation that can accompany a LDR for both men and women. "It sucks!" was a common refrain by members of both sexes.
So, what do LDRers recommend to ease the pain of missing a significant other?
1. Think long-term. It's amazing how must faster time flies when you know the dates of every school break. Mark those days with a big "X" on a prominently displayed wall calendar (I keep mine above the kitchen sink). Fantasize about the passionate moments of first seeing the other person. Put those moments on permanent, slo-mo repeat in your head.
2. Get involved at Johnson, but manage your time well. Use some of your free time to explore a club, work on a community service project, or sit on a committee with the Administration. To prevent conflicts with a visiting S.O., second-year Jeff Peterson recommends flexing strong time management skills, "It's not any fun to work on group projects when a significant other is in town. Sage can be like a magnet…it just sucks you in and keeps you there."
3. Make real friends of the opposite sex, but keep your boundaries. Since you're not prowling for a new boyfriend or girlfriend, you can just relax and be yourself. Just make sure your significant other feels secure about this arrangement.
4. Use technology. As Jenice Tom '02 reports, "[My boyfriend and I] initially called each other nightly, but we found the cost was quickly adding up…so we started calling each other over the internet using software called Firetalk." Jeff Peterson tries to keep costs down by using a cell phone with a 1000-minute plan.
5. Keep the faith. While you would never want to repeat the two years apart, you will build an invaluable level of trust from the time apart. My new husband and I remind each other nightly that we can make it. You can too. Good luck.